I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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