Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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