I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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