Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
