Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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