Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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