I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
