I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
