Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
