we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
