why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
