how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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