Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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