That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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