hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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