totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
