I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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