the condom got lost in my hair
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize