Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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