um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
