I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
