its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Your cock deserves a montage
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
