i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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