So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
