I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
dude. I can hear the air.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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