she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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