Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
organizing the empties. That sober.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
