So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
