i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
