Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this will be a night to untag.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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