No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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