So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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