I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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