I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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