that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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