shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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