He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
