He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
