i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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