I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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