and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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