I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
