its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
