So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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