Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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