It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
