Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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