You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
