there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
