Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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