I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
