1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
