Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize