It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
