wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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