well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
