Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
