Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
