I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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