we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
