How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
