I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
