she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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