Jerry, you need to find god
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
NoShamevember. You game?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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