he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
