I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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