brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
