TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
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I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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